1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:04,138
Care for a cupcake?

2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,207
Well, our new
outdoor seating area

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,543
is about as popular
as Paula deen at an nba game.

4
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,215
How much longer do we
have to be out here?

5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,649
We are cold.

6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,386
So, so cold.

7
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,254
I can see my breath.

8
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,556
And my boys are up
by my rib cage.

9
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:27,261
I can smell his breath.

10
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:30,598
And my boys are up by
where my boys used to be.

11
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,669
And these customers
aren't helping.

12
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,805
How could we have thought
a strong han presence

13
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,773
would make it more popular?

14
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,475
Max, in hindsight,

15
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,278
it feels like us not springing
for those heat lamps

16
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,546
was a bad call.

17
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,781
Uh, you think?

18
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:51,585
Guys, I just peed
a little to keep warm.

19
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,625
Well, I peed a little

20
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,593
'cause I had no choice.

21
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,132
Great, they're stuck
to the bench.

22
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,769
Go get the windshield scraper.

23
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,773
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

24
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,508
[cash register bell dings]

25
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:18,379
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *

26
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,219
reading us weekly, Earl?

27
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,488
Ooh, "stars.
They're just like us."

28
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,490
Well, if they're just like us,
where's the picture

29
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,492
of them turning their
underwear inside out?

30
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:38,266
Caroline left it
in the men's room.

31
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,534
And as I said that out loud,

32
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,504
I realized that I must have
been in the ladies' room.

33
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,141
I can't see, Max.

34
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,145
Max, I've got
some exciting news!

35
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,914
Eh, I vowed I'd never get
excited about anything again

36
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,417
after that last Indiana Jones.

37
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,753
I found us two discount
heat lamps on Sherry's list.

38
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,223
It's like craigslist, but
without the high probability

39
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,259
of being murdered by
a deranged medical student.

40
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,894
And about those lamps?

41
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,496
Uh, no.

42
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,298
We can't worry about
our outdoor business.

43
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,333
We barely have
an indoor business.

44
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,602
And we never will,
with that attitude.

45
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,604
I'm gonna ask you one more time:

46
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,772
Please listen to those
Tony Robbins tapes

47
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,609
we found in the garbage.

48
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,211
Well, girls,

49
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,213
tomorrow's the day
I've been looking forward to

50
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,347
for three years.

51
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,583
You're getting your
teeth cleaned?

52
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:32,286
Sorry, that's what's we've
been looking forward to.

53
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,255
I'm moving in with Sophie.

54
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:39,327
From now on, the Booty call is
coming from inside the house.

55
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,795
I couldn't help but overhear.

56
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,063
From way back there?

57
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:47,468
Your ears should give a pep talk
to the other parts of your body.

58
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,404
And, Oleg, if you need
any help with the move,

59
00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,406
might I offer my services?

60
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,743
My trainer Skylar says
I'm getting ripped.

61
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,812
Yeah, ripped off by Skylar.

62
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,248
Thanks, han.

63
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,715
And as a bit of a payback,

64
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,818
I'll wash my hands
back here tonight.

65
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,988
See you later, neighbors.

66
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,056
Oleg's moving in?

67
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,459
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.

68
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:13,694
And I lost $2 billion.

69
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,830
What is the problem?
This is all good news.

70
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,866
Sophie an Oleg are in love.

71
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:19,867
Yeah!

72
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,469
And they'll be in love

73
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,437
on our stairs,

74
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,439
in our hallway,

75
00:03:25,473 --> 00:03:28,442
and on every surface
of the laundry room.

76
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,845
What do you know about love
anyway, Christian single?

77
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:35,649
I know Jesus has a girl for me.

78
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:36,784
He has to.

79
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,653
I'm $400 deep into
that damn website.

80
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,591
Look, we just make a pact

81
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,459
that no matter
what happens upstairs,

82
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,661
or on the stairs
or in the laundry room,

83
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,630
we don't invite it
into our apartment.

84
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,432
Hey, everybody!

85
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,571
Oh! Brr!

86
00:03:57,605 --> 00:04:00,874
It's raining cats
and goats out there.

87
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:03,544
Don't you mean "cats and dogs"?

88
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,880
Oh, it's so nice to be corrected
as you walk in the door.

89
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,082
Hey, baby.

90
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:12,986
Can you believe in 24 hours
we'll be living in sin?

91
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,322
Oh, don't worry.

92
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,957
My parents don't know.

93
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:20,394
I'm having a dinner party
tomorrow night to celebrate.

94
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,364
And also because I have
15 pounds of beef

95
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,833
that's about to go bad.

96
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,635
So, Max, Caroline, are you in?

97
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:28,908
Actually, Sophie, we're busy...

98
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,004
We'll be there.

99
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,973
If there's beef involved,
I'm involved.

100
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,010
What happened to the pact
we just made?

101
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,479
I hate to tell you this...

102
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,781
If it comes down to you or beef,

103
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,516
I'm always going beef.

104
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,957
[Baby cries]

105
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,959
[Laughs]

106
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:54,928
That was Sherry
from Sherry's list.

107
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,630
She makes you call her that.

108
00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:58,632
She said she's consider
charging us $150

109
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,634
if we pick up the heat
lamps themselves.

110
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:02,936
And I'm charging you with
three counts of interrupting

111
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,872
this "baby in a faulty
high chair" video.

112
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:05,873
[Thudding]

113
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,475
[Oleg groans]

114
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,443
[Laughs]
Someone fell in real life!

115
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,914
(Oleg)
You told me you had it.

116
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:15,916
(Han)
I said I didn't have it.

117
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,352
It's Oleg and han moving in.

118
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,787
Get away from the door!

119
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,389
Han will see your feet
under the door.

120
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,357
They're right at his eye level.

121
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,695
This is like a horror movie...
Saw III.

122
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,129
Because when han bent over,

123
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,665
I saw 3 inches of his crack.

124
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,835
So you saw his whole crack?

125
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,504
[Pounding on door]

126
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:37,571
Step away!

127
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:38,972
(Oleg)
Open the door, Max.

128
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,073
I'm about to kill han,

129
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,942
and I know you're
gonna want to see that.

130
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,844
Damn it!
He's right.

131
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,684
Cute outfit, han.

132
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,486
Like one of those male strippers

133
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,488
from "no thunder
from down under."

134
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,925
This is so heavy.

135
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,927
Oleg, what do you have in here?

136
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,729
Socks!

137
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,197
Really, han,

138
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,401
it's like your arms are
only there for decoration.

139
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,871
To be fair, Oleg's socks

140
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:14,041
probably have some pretty
heavy loads in them.

141
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:17,778
Oleg, what is all your
junk doing out here?

142
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,147
Do I actually smell
girls screaming?

143
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,917
I bring things up,
Sophie says "no,"

144
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,786
I bring them right back down.

145
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,788
Is there no elevator
up in this bitch?

146
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,825
Oleg, you forgot your painting,

147
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:34,428
and this one's
a definite "no."

148
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:36,764
Sophie, I haven't
gotten a "yes" yet,

149
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:40,501
aside from the quickie we had
up against the bathroom sink.

150
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,669
Not such a quickie.

151
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:45,639
They locked me out and I had
to eat my lunch in the truck.

152
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:48,909
Then what was the point
of me renting a moving truck?

153
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:52,780
I mean, besides the rough sex
we had up against the sides?

154
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,749
They locked me outside on the
side of the road for that one.

155
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,787
Okay, well, we have
to go back in.

156
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,055
See you tonight
at the beef-a-thon.

157
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,191
No, Oleg.

158
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,560
Maybe I'm being unfair.

159
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,563
I mean, you have all
this stuff that you like,

160
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,732
and they have an apartment.

161
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,701
Put it in there.

162
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,536
Sophie!

163
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,538
I'll see you at 8:00!

164
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,540
So what do you say, girls?

165
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:20,808
Absolutely not...

166
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,075
Yes.

167
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,945
Max, there's a method
to my madness.

168
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,147
Oleg, will you
excuse us a second?

169
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,882
And maybe help han
with that box.

170
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,819
In those shorts, I can actually
see a hernia happening.

171
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,558
I thought we weren't
getting involved!

172
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,859
If we help Oleg out,

173
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,103
he'll let us use
the moving truck

174
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,137
to pick up our heat lamps.

175
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,763
I already said "no" to those.

176
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,532
But we just talked about it!

177
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,834
I wasn't listening!

178
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:50,871
That baby fell face-down
into mashed potatoes.

179
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,874
But you said "yes"
to the dinner party,

180
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,611
so if you get your meat,
i get my heat.

181
00:07:57,645 --> 00:08:01,281
Just because you rhyme
doesn't make it okay.

182
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,984
And I'm pretty sure that's what
Rihanna said to Chris brown.

183
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,192
Where are we meeting this
chick with the heat lamps?

184
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,227
I haven't gone this far
for something I didn't want

185
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:17,598
since planned parenthood
moved to New Jersey.

186
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,732
Hello!

187
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,133
I'm getting
truck sick back here.

188
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,837
You're a worse driver than
people assume I am.

189
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,806
Come on! Come on!

190
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,608
We're gonna be late to dinner!

191
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:29,877
Would any of you
be interested in playing

192
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,912
rock-paper-scissors
for a seat up front?

193
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,180
(Both)
No!

194
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,750
Girls, can I ask you
a relationship question?

195
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:37,885
(Both)
No!

196
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,788
And besides, what would we
know about relationships?

197
00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:42,061
That's like asking Donald trump

198
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,792
for the name
of a good hairstylist.

199
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,627
I mean, what's
the deal with her?

200
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,028
She asks me to move in,

201
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,130
and then won't even
let me have my painting?

202
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,299
I mean, Sophie
already bought the cow.

203
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,068
She might as well
let the cow's crap in.

204
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,771
So you're saying I'm right.

205
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,607
No, no, but I do think...

206
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:00,874
No, you don't think,

207
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,776
or your mouth wouldn't
be moving right now.

208
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,078
I'm just saying,

209
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,080
he has the right
to move some of his stuff

210
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,983
into Sophie's apartment
and out of ours.

211
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,785
Speaking of his stuff,

212
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,587
there's something
in a box back here

213
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,989
is humming, and...
Oh, it stopped.

214
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,257
[Buzzing]

215
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,059
Oh, it started again.

216
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,696
That's my lifelike mouth
with authentic jaw action.

217
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:24,231
Oleg, watch the road!

218
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,134
The last words I hear
can't be "lifelike mouth."

219
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:34,675
Everything looks
very nice, Sophie.

220
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,209
Yeah, see,

221
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:39,212
I'm not gonna talk until
the other guests arrive.

222
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:44,618
I got to save my hostess
sparkle for the real guests.

223
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:47,721
Hey, baby.

224
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,357
Where the hell have you been?

225
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,093
That was a pretty loud sparkle.

226
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,295
It's my fault
we're late, Sophie...

227
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,097
It's okay.
Just sit down.

228
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,899
Don't you want
to know what I was...

229
00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,900
No, really.

230
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,101
I got a pot roast over here

231
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,103
that's a hell of a lot
more interesting.

232
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,339
Max, thank god you're here.

233
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:08,141
There was so much
awkward silence,

234
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:11,144
I pretended I got a phone call
from a banana.

235
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,882
I'm gonna take a quick shower.

236
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,785
Oh, Oleg, dinner is ready.

237
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:21,121
You don't have time
to run down to the "y" now.

238
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:25,125
No, I meant I would shower here.

239
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,094
Here...

240
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,899
In my bathroom?

241
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,266
Uh...

242
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,434
Yeah.

243
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,737
I live here now.

244
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,906
Oh, yeah.

245
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,141
That's right.

246
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,843
Imagine that.

247
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,747
Hey, Oleg, why don't you
just come over here

248
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,181
and sit next to Earl?

249
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,685
Because he's old and I'm sure
his smeller is shot.

250
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:57,657
Sophie, you really must write
a "how to entertain" book.

251
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,427
Here we go:

252
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,997
Grandma chinkski's pot roast.

253
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,265
This looks amazing.

254
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,334
I love a root vegetable
in the winter.

255
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:11,338
Can it ever just be about me?

256
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,177
* beef, beef, beef

257
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,847
* b-beef, b-beef, beef

258
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,815
what?
That's my beef song.

259
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,351
[Glass clinking]

260
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,220
I'd like to make a toast
to Sophie.

261
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,222
Oh, that's sweet.

262
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,191
But not with that glass.

263
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,460
That's grandma chinski's
crystal.

264
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,764
Baby, I was in the middle
of a toast.

265
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,766
Oh, I'm sorry, but...

266
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,034
Those are my favorite thing!

267
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:45,072
Grandma chinski traded two
of my slow cousins for those.

268
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,510
Well, you know, it's funny.

269
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,379
I have a favorite thing too.

270
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:55,115
In fact, why don't i
just go and get it?

271
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,050
[Gasps]
I can't believe it.

272
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:59,019
I'm about to meet lon Anderson!

273
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:03,056
Can someone help me
lift up my fork?

274
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:06,093
My arms are still
sore from the move.

275
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,227
Open up.

276
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,231
Someone else has to feed han.

277
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,001
He just licked my pinky.

278
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,270
Earl, what are you
doing over there?

279
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,475
Just hanging out
with RandB sensation,

280
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:25,946
Mary j.-Juana.

281
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,214
Oh, good.

282
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,217
So you're in the right mind-set
to hand-feed a 30-year-old man.

283
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,221
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

284
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,124
I think that's Polish
for "no."

285
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,259
Uh-huh.
Yes, Sophie.

286
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,362
It's my painting.
Excuse me... our painting.

287
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:45,833
And it's going up on our wall.

288
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,835
Is it me,

289
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:50,370
or is this party tense as hell?

290
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:55,442
I don't think Sophie and Oleg
are gonna make it.

291
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,947
Uh-oh. Am I talking
out loud right now?

292
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:06,086
I told you, I don't want
that thing in here.

293
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,055
I don't understand.
It's just a painting.

294
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,322
What's so bad about it?

295
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,193
Oh, my god.

296
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,130
Nice, huh?

297
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,265
I did it myself.

298
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,200
It's a paint-by-numbers.

299
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:23,003
You mean
it's a putin-by-numbers.

300
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,939
Why are his nipples so big?

301
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,975
They don't seem that big to me.

302
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:34,581
Oh, I am too high for this.

303
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,583
I'm not high enough.

304
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:42,389
In my culture, big nipples
mean power and wealth.

305
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,391
In our culture,
big nipples means,

306
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,260
"wears a t-shirt
in the pool."

307
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,062
There.

308
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,230
I like it.

309
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:56,069
Adds a certain
something to the room.

310
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:59,072
Every wall needs nipples.

311
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,074
So a guy knows where to look.

312
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,112
Thank you for telling me
to do this, Caroline.

313
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,082
She did?

314
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:14,387
I'd get up and run,
but my legs are like Taffy.

315
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,224
Seriously,

316
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,626
you told him
to hang that thing up?

317
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,629
In fairness,
i had not seen the painting

318
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,464
when I suggested
something like that.

319
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,466
I mean, I get it.

320
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:28,936
It's gorgeous.

321
00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:32,105
But it doesn't
go with the décor.

322
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,640
What?

323
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:38,211
Is it throwing off this
gorgeous outdoor-indoor swing?

324
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,514
I'll cut you with
the carving knife!

325
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,519
Nobody is cutting anyone.

326
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,355
Especially not me.

327
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,623
Do you never learn?

328
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,960
Just put some beef
in your napkin like I did,

329
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,462
and let's get out of here.

330
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:56,672
Sophie, you asked me to move in.

331
00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,467
Guess what?
I moved in.

332
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,036
Yes, I asked you to move in,

333
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:06,039
but not with big
weird-nipple putin.

334
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,476
Well, how big are
nipples supposed to be?

335
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,244
'Cause... never mind.

336
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,547
And what's your problem anyway?

337
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,150
I gave you a drawer.

338
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:18,685
This!

339
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:20,687
This is my drawer.

340
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,957
What good is this?

341
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:27,060
I can't even get one
of my ball gags in there.

342
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:32,365
You asked for a drawer,
i gave you a drawer!

343
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:35,568
And who needs
12 ball gags anyway?

344
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:39,106
Oh, so now
you don't like ball gags?

345
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,074
Who are you, lady?

346
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,212
I'll tell you who I am...

347
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:50,183
I'm the lady who's "putin"
this is the trash!

348
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:56,289
You trash that, I'll trash this.

349
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,424
Oh, no.

350
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,701
Oh, you think you're gonna break

351
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,460
one of grandma chinski's
glasses?

352
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,663
No, if anyone's gonna break one,
it's gonna be me!

353
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,398
[Glass shatters]

354
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:08,735
This reminds me of the first
half of my second marriage,

355
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,970
and the second half
of my third marriage.

356
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,242
Sophie, I'm done.

357
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,244
And as you said to me
on our first date,

358
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,679
"i don't know how much more
of this I can take."

359
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:26,286
Fun party.

360
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,021
Not awkward at all.

361
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,356
I should get going though.

362
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,491
Got to be up early for...
What's a thing?

363
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:32,659
Church?

364
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,498
* beef, beef, beef

365
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,434
* b-beef, beef, beef, beef

366
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,511
sorry about that
dinner party last night.

367
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:55,315
It kind of got away
from me a little bit.

368
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,418
But I really appreciate
you getting up early

369
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:01,288
and helping me move
Oleg's stuff back.

370
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:03,532
I just actually feel like
this is a little bit my fault...

371
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,258
Seriously!

372
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:08,528
Can it ever just be about me?

373
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,530
Hey, um,

374
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,632
where are we taking
his stuff anyway?

375
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,801
I don't think goodwill
will take a love seat

376
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:18,705
that's actually covered in love.

377
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,707
Well, I was thinking,

378
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,143
you know, since Oleg and I

379
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,678
really did have
something special,

380
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,680
I was thinking I would
just take his stuff

381
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:30,150
and dump it down by the river.

382
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,152
Okay, I'm just gonna say it...

383
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,753
Sophie, would it kill you

384
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,523
to just let Oleg
hang the damn painting?

385
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,525
[Tires screeching]

386
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,494
[Horns honking]

387
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,298
So what, you just park the truck

388
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,400
in the middle of
the Van wyck expressway?

389
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,336
Do you never learn?

390
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,405
I almost ate rent-a-truck
floor mat.

391
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:56,309
Caroline,
you get this straight...

392
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,311
Oleg was wrong.

393
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:01,614
And those nipples
were way too big.

394
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:05,518
This is awkward.

395
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,288
You're in the truck?

396
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:11,291
No, you're in my apartment.

397
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:13,260
[Tires screeching, thud]

398
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,597
I think something hit us.

399
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,670
You guys just need
some couples therapy.

400
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,704
I'll mediate it,

401
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,173
since I've had therapy myself.

402
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,609
Not as a couple,
but hopefully someday.

403
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,745
I'm just sitting here waiting
for the tow truck to come.

404
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:35,148
How's your neck, Max?

405
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,416
Not so bad.

406
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,785
The second car that hit us
kind of knocked

407
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:42,522
what the first car knocked
out of place back in place.

408
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,656
I'll start.

409
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:46,159
This woman is a fraud
and a liar.

410
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,560
(Caroline)
Okay, well,

411
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:50,363
we need a little more Oprah,
a little less Jerry springer.

412
00:18:50,397 --> 00:18:52,465
Hey, don't dis springer.

413
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,734
They have great snacks
in the green room.

414
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,569
You were on Jerry springer?

415
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,671
Yeah, I was on
"i hate my roommate

416
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,574
and I don't know
how to tell her."

417
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,810
Oleg and I are not gonna
talk this thing out.

418
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,812
If you want to waste your time,

419
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,780
go teach in an inner city
high school.

420
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:10,717
You know what?
Even better...

421
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,552
I'll do the talking for Oleg.

422
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,621
Oh, then, Max...
You be me, okay, Max?

423
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,888
Oh... i don't know if...

424
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,890
Do you want the rest
of the beef, or not?

425
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,893
This guy is a bum,
and the painting has to go.

426
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,595
It's stupid.

427
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,197
Really, really good, Max,

428
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:26,242
but next time just arch your
back a little, and, yeah.

429
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,900
Yeah.

430
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,836
Okay, you be me.

431
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:34,641
No, I don't feel like getting a
threatening erection right now.

432
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,544
But I will say, anytime
people move in together,

433
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:38,945
it's a compromise.

434
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,146
Look at Max...

435
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,283
When I needed a place to stay,
she let me have my horse.

436
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,553
Let me just say... and i
brought this up on springer...

437
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:50,590
I only let you in
because of the horse.

438
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,825
And I finally stopped
putting up a fight

439
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,694
and let Max walk around naked.

440
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:55,828
When did that happen?

441
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,997
Tomorrow.

442
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,499
Oh, Oleg,

443
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:02,502
I wouldn't want you to give up
walking around naked.

444
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,838
I mean, as long as you don't
sit down on anything white.

445
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,574
Makes sense.

446
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,843
Nobody likes a chocolate
starfish on an ottoman.

447
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,349
Point, Sophie.

448
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,652
Ha!
I'm winning, everybody!

449
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:21,354
Well, it's therapy.

450
00:20:21,388 --> 00:20:23,022
There are no winners and losers.

451
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:26,659
Sounds like something
a loser would say.

452
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,329
You know, Oleg,

453
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,732
this isn't about that
silly little painting.

454
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,668
It's just, uh,

455
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,672
a lot of change
in a short amount of time...

456
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,512
(Whispers)
I'm so scared.

457
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,581
Sophie,

458
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:52,319
I don't care about my stuff,
as long as I have you.

459
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:58,024
What did we just do?

460
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,760
We had them apart, and now we
just put them back together.

461
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:01,894
You did that.

462
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,630
You don't know when to butt out.

463
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,997
Jerry's words.

464
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,735
[Cash register bell dings]